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Woundmate or soulmate and do we know the difference?


Her soul in division from itself
Climbing, falling She knew not where,
Hiding amid the cargo of a steamship,
Her knee-cap broken, that girl I declare
A beautiful lofty thing, or a thing
Heroically lost, heroically found.
No matter what disaster occurred
She stood in desperate music wound,
Wound, wound, and she made in her triumph
Where the bales and the baskets lay
No common intelligible sound
But sang, 'O sea-starved, hungry sea'

― W.B. Yeats, The Collected Poems of W.B. Yeats

There are many reasons I love my job.

What I love most is being able to listen to other people’s stories. Tarot is the greatest aid to a storyteller, each card a snapshot, a document to a moment in time. Over the years I have heard some pretty remarkable tales and some have been really out there in a parallel universe somewhere. Others are inspiring and some can offer healing especially for the reader! It is a long held belief of mine that we get the client we deserve, a mirror to our soul who by an awesome magical act of synergy the client can hold up your own story as they recount their own.

There are many oft repeated stories and perhaps one of these ubiquitous topics would be ‘Are they my soulmate?'

I think it takes a lot of courage to be in a relationship. A dynamic between two humans is complex, challenging, bewildering but oh so rewarding. A relationship can provide fertile ground for growth and evolution. A meaningful relationship does not necessarily have to be couched in intimacy but can be found at work, the gym or that person you sit next to regularly on the bus to town. We were not born to be islands. Human life depends entirely on our ability to be interdependent on each other.

Yet, more often than not, people want to know about the relationship that makes them feel something.

They want to feel the fire in the belly, the swollen heart, the swirling thoughts, a destiny that threw them both together. Were we together in a past life? Do they love me? Are we soulmates? There is a wistfulness in these questions. A rising up of the spirit as it makes sense of its path and purpose.

Strength is found doing the work of one’s soul. People come into our lives to drive us further the work of one’s soul is the great work.

Looking for a soulmate.

I have come to understand that when someone is looking for their soulmate they are really expressing a desire to be attuned to nature, to be conscious of renewal and transformation. Therein lies a need for passion, it is not the heavens we are looking for connection with, but the Earth.

Through relationships we hope to experience spirit through love and sharing with others.

A harmonious union that emphasises all the good things about being human, compassion and community. We are all part of the same body, when we love we are loving self, when we fight we are fighting self, we are to dispense with the struggle and instead seek out the importance of joy, that joy that comes naturally, free from guilt and shame and all the other dark aspects that keep us close to the shadow. When we are connected with another and it feels ‘meant to be’ we can recover the hidden facets of self through love and passion; we become whole.

Soul relatedness is an unfathomable connection with another, a sharing that embodies emotion and spirit.

However, there is another question...is this person my soulmate or my woundmate? Soulmates do not always bring the confectionary of a relationship to the table. They can often bring hard lessons that shake us up and spin us around. It is a commonly held thought that this matrix of perplexities is karmic and reinforces the notion of a destined union. Soulmates change our life for the better, they are not a possession but a driving force that encourages us to reach those milestones that mark our progress through the world.

What of the wound?

I have witnessed so many people identify a significant person as a soulmate when in fact they are a woundmate.

We all have a wound. The idea is that we close and heal that wound, it too can be a catalyst for growth and depth, but it does not define you totally. Wounds are transient by their very nature it is us that make them a permanent fixture.

We can become attracted to each other through the wound, we recognise the wound in each other, it is all that we see in the mirror. The source of the wound is in our past: childhood, first relationships, dysfunctional reasoning, dashed opportunities that didn’t return. Our society enslaves us to poverty consciousness which creates and then feeds the wound. The lack of love speaks louder than the ability to love, yet love is our gift to the world.

A woundmate is an attachment, a toxic, exhausting, dependent, troublesome attachment.

We perpetuate out worn cycles that we have failed to heal through lack of awareness and we manifest them in our dealings with others. We mistake it for love. Every time that wounds is ripped open again, we are reminded of the pain and the struggle of our abuse, we think we have a common cause with our partner and all the while the spirit is imploring us for love, to love and be loved.

The woundmate cannot bring things into unity or harmony only a reminder. A woundmate cannot reunite all the subterranean aspects of self.

The positive element of the woundmate is that we can be reminded of our foibles.

We can be reminded of our foibles and that which we should turn into a resounding positive affirmation of life. If we keep reliving old pain we do not give the opportunity for new life to emerge.

Are we missing something?

Yes. If the woundmate resonates with us then we have to look at the invisible light that brings the needy for comfort and warmth. How much do WE need? By discovering our spiritual potential and diving into the life giving waters of the spirit we can transform old wounds into a restoration.

No experience is ever wasted.
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