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WOUNDMATE AND THE REPETITIVE CYCLE.


“We made love again. This time it was me who asked. Lying there again, on the bed, this time with heat, almost an oven heat, coming through the screen, and sweat instead of tears, I wondered how simple we really are. That we can do the same things again and again and again and find them interesting, even fascinating and seek the repetition with a hunger as avid. How fishing was like that, and painting.”
― Peter Heller, The Painter
One of the most interesting things about reading Tarots is the ability in the cards to spell out a cycle.

They teach that everything is cyclical and we are more automaton than we realize; we have a grand habit of perpetuation. I have often wondered if we do this because we have a fear of expiring. If we stopped persisting in the desire of creating constant patterns we might disappear in a puff of smoke never to be seen again. I guess this might be an illusion of the ego. Nevertheless, we choose to remain deluded or disillusioned. Perhaps both mean the same in this instance and we faithfully stick to the script. Never was this more so than in the area of relationships.

It is rare to find anyone who actually seeks the peak experience of a relationship.

Peak experience was a term coined by Albert Maslow. It describes the mental state of self-actualising individuals and infers rare, exciting, oceanic, moving and elevating experiences that are almost mystical and magical. The dynamic could also be described as holistic as it identifies and flourishes wholeness and potential.

If I had a quid for every time somebody asked me is this person in my life a soulmate I would have retired to the Caribbean by now!

Generally speaking, the majority of us seek the one, that special person who is going to make us complete. The answer to that begs the question, what is it that makes you complete? It is not the person, but the hidden dynamic which, very often, is a continuation of subtle agendas built from a relationship to a significant person during formative years. One could argue that this is psychobabble and text book psychotherapy but as I lean toward the psychospiritual in my readings I shall continue with what is the obvious. Completion, then, is the continuous narrative, along with the desire to bring closure, to unfinished business.

It is about unmasking the need to heal.

It is also to stop being an impostor, the role of the mediator and a hundred other facades that are created in childhood and emerge in adult life as cycles within relationships. This is so that our soulmate, who seems to ‘get us’, despite the suffering that goes with it, is merely a mirror to the baggage we are already carrying and as thus is a woundmate and who is reflecting a shared wound. Humans have an amazing ability to hone in, like an exocet missile, on the one person in a crowded room who has the very same wound. Myself included! I have often wondered if the extended arm of the solar plexus has something to do with it but that is a whole new blog.

In a Tarot reading we can see the repeated cycle.

Even in a simple three-card, past, present and future spread we can get the idea that the querent chooses the same type of lover and it is not long before groundhog day sets in and it all gets much of a muchness.

Repetition compulsion is the unconscious desire to compulsively repeat a painful relationship pattern and/or early life trauma. The longing is always for a different outcome, but because the compulsive behaviour creates the same emotional dynamic, instead of resolution, the original experience is simply repeated.

We become attached to people and patterns.

We create our own personal symbolic language, silent but powerful and if another responds to the symbols, bingo! We have an identification.

Attachment theory is a theoretical model that takes as its focus the relationship formed between a child and primary caregiver. The attachment style we develop as children is a key component to how we relate in adult life.

Time and time again we can see the dialogue in a Tarot reading. The question could be is this a tie that binds or a pathway to freedom?

Your participation in all of this as a Tarot reader is to work with the client to come out of the head and into the heart.

Your participation is to open up the portal to love. To look for success amongst the debris of outmoded and fallen structures. Honesty is the best policy. If we treat the hurt we win or lose, if we treat the whole person we always win, regardless of the outcome.

To understand the emotional responses in another first of all take a look at your own.

Try this simple layout of questions. You will find them insightful as to your own emotional demography. From these insights you can build your personal formula for supporting those in a wound mate relationship. Listen to your wise inner teacher.

Remember that gratitude is a powerful healer, be thankful for your insights.
  • What are the emotional influences in my life?

  • How do I respond to painful or negative emotions?

  • In which way do I demonstrate whether I am a caregiver or counsellor?

  • How do I nurture myself?

  • Am I in need of emotional support?

  • How do others collaborate in my emotional life?

  • What is the life lesson from my wound?

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